I'm going to turn 18 in six months. And I'm not excited about it!
Junior year has, basically, sucked. And if senior year is going to be like this... :( And if this is what being an adult is going to be like I'LL BE A CHILD FOREVER.
And all of my friends have fallen into other social groups, since color guard hasn't been doing anything for almost five months now. So they fit in with choir or band or sports or ballroom or something... and I don't fit into any group but color guard. :P So I've been lonely. And I should just call up my friends and tell them that I'm going to hang out with them, but all of my previous actions tell me that I won't, because I feel like I'm that third wheel that wants to be involved in their lives, but isn't really. Or that I annoy my friends. I'm basically just as socially awkward with my friends as I am with strangers. So that stinks. And also begs the question, why aren't all strangers automatically my friends?
And I don't want to be in school anymore this year. I despise physics. I'm writing this instead of doing physics homework because I despise it. And I hate doing calculus. And I hate going to classes where I'm expected to interact with people because everyone else does, but I just pretend to be very involved in writing in my planner because, again, I'm equally socially awkward with everyone, and am too afraid of making a fool of myself to do anything. I should just get over it and be like, Why don't I talk to you more often?, but I won't.
WAEinzxofinwsiorovf, the last few hours have sucked. I hate introspective-ness. I'd rather just never think about all of the things that are wrong with me, because even though I know I should change them, I don't know how or whether I ever will.
So yeah. I can't wait for the end of school, and I can't wait for... something to happen to make me feel happy for more than a few hours at a time again. I remember the last time I was happy for a whole day, but it hasn't been within the last two and a half months.
No comments:
Post a Comment