Just... don't. I'm FTBA right now.
The worst thing I find about "it all" right now is that it's hard to see where I'm going . I used to end the school day and think, "Yes! I get to see him!" but now I have thoughts more like, "Yea, I get to go home and maybe watch YouTube videos and not be hungry and try to not think about things." Same thing
When I wake up. Or when I go to bed. Or when I think about the summer, or the weather, or the time, or YouTube, or the noise that Google chat makes, or Mondays, or Tuesdays, or Wednesdays, or crosswalks, or water fountains, or dinosaurs, or every recent happy memory I have.
And I'm not stupid? I sure don't tell myself that. Because if I thought this wasn't stupid, I'd be even more of a liar to myself than I am to the world. I'm not allowed to like him anymore. And therefore, not allowed to think about it. I'm weak. But excusing myself in that way just makes me a jerk to everyone else in the world, and that's inexcusable. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.
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